Yelping with Cormac

Because Yelp Needs Cormac McCarthy

Juicy Couture

Union Square - San Francisco, CA

Cormac M. | Author | Lost in the chaparral, NM

Two stars.

The traveler found himself in a gilded and luminescent valley of commerce beset on all sides by baying signage, the air redolent in fine leather and human urine. He turned and saw behind plate glass two mannequins, their alabaster buttocks thrust toward the street, their womanly frames ballooned like some gaia figurine to be worshipped by savages and on them were pajama trousers with the word Juicy luridly stamped across the seat of the pants.  Hellfire and damnation, he said.

Si, said a drifter standing beside him. The traveler had not noticed the drifter’s coming. The man’s streetblackened but noble face and vanquished suitcoat spoke of a past of finer things. The drifter gestured at the trousers in the window. He began speaking in sonorous Spanish.

He told of a world in which no men or women remained but only nymphs anointed in oils and bedecked in shameful rags. Of creatures empty of ambition and godless pursuing only carnal pleasure. That for their sins they were branded with whorish words on the seats of their trousers and while the clothes could be removed the stain of the words would remain forever.

The drifter fell silent. The store’s double doors opened and out strode a pair of young women haughty as Romans, their backsides bearing a one word epitaph for the dreams of those who came before.

  1. vcw96 reblogged this from whitegirlblog and added:
    Kind of the best Yelp review ever.
  2. whitegirlblog reblogged this from cvilletochucktown
  3. bowtiedandstarryeyed reblogged this from cvilletochucktown
  4. cvilletochucktown reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac and added:
    McCarthay does Yelp. Oh My Sweet Jesus.
  5. angele-williams reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac
  6. flamshiz reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac
  7. mysforeveryoung reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac and added:
    Can I just say that...at my school would...make us read...
  8. prowthish-istoselidon reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac
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  15. pushinghoopswithsticks reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac and added:
    Union Square - San Francisco, CA Cormac M. | Author | Lost in the chaparral, NM Two stars.
  16. sircharliecraft reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac
  17. independentframeofmind reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac and added:
    OH MY GOD THIS IS HILARIOUS.
  18. ballroompink reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac
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  22. dementagirl reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac and added:
    I didn’t know this existed...now my life is so much better
  23. titularhumour reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac and added:
    Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast this week.
  24. distantbuffalo reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac
  25. mchughla reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac
  26. retiredweatherman reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac and added:
    Cormac McCarthy as a Yelp! reviewer. Fantastic stuff. A must-read.
  27. peroty reblogged this from brocatus
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  31. xgetsthesquare reblogged this from yelpingwithcormac and added:
    (h/t @mikearauz)